The journey of motherhood with my son is a glorious gift. But it isn’t a single gift, it’s a box within a box, layer upon layer, with each one presenting something different, a new reveal, a new challenge, a new thing to learn, and it’s so beautiful.
Nothing here is black and white, the color is breathtaking filled with bright swirls and luminous ribbons.
Each day deeper and deeper I am led, box after box, happily trying to understand and get to the heart of how his mind works, to the heart of how that beautiful mind will be his guide post, his navigation system, the center of his truth.
I cannot speak to the journey of parents of normative children. That was not the path on which God placed me, placed us. What I can do is speak to the path that God placed me on with the son he gave to us.
He’s me. He’s his father. He’s his grandparents on both sides. He is the descendant of all the generations before him, and it’s all combined into the perfect uniqueness that is him.
From the beginning he has been my teacher. While my parents were my first teachers, and love and life my second, my son took over the role and has taught me more about love, life, God, who I am, who I want to be, who I can be, and through that I strive to be the mother, the person, I hope he sees with his heart and soul. I want to be better in every way, for him.
He teaches me patience as I must be patient with his way of doing things, his way of thinking, and more than anything because he’s a child and children deserve our patience.
He taught me the value of childhood as I watched others try to steal it from him by expecting too much too soon through poor reading methods, and from others who didn’t want to deal with a child with dyslexia and refused to help or understand; and the years of private tutoring that it demanded to help him function in a school environment he was forced to exist in, but which is not designed for him.
He taught me wonder through how his mind works, and the way he sees the world.
He taught me love, as only a mother and child can love.
He taught me selflessness and compassion.
He upped my tenacity and audaciousness.
He increased my courage exponentially.
He showed me the real meaning of determination and resolve.
He showed me the true beauty of the human soul, and he opened my heart to it all.
He is wonder, light, color, beauty, chaos, words, creation, heart, vision, bravery, eternity.
He is my child and the greatest and most wondrous gift a girl could ever ask for.