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IEP, The Drinking Game – COVID Version

Per request….

Here is the link to the non-COVID version of the game: https://amomsjourney-mydyslexiclife.com/2019/09/11/iep-the-drinking-game/ 

Bartender pours alcoholic drink into small glasses on bar

As before, this is a living, breathing game, so if a scenario is missed, please let me know so I can add it to the list of rules.

Ok, here we go.

Gone are the variety of alcohols.  It’s COVID so there are only two beverages on the table, water and tequila.

But, let’s clarify the rules for this new version.  The old rules are posted with the applicable cross outs and revisions.

Rules:

  1. Every person around the table has to drink based on the rules of the game.  Clearly the child can’t be in the room.  This game is only for adults past the legal drinking age of 21.
  2. The type of alcohol varies and several bottles will be on the table.  This isn’t a game of drink what you want, it’s drink based on the scenario.
  3. All drinks, unless otherwise stipulated, are in shot form.
  4. Scenario to alcohol ratio:
    1. Bullshit = Whiskey Tequila
    2. Misdirection = Vodka Tequila
    3. Lie = Tequila
    4. Dysteachia = Schnapps Tequila
      1. This includes all manners of Whole Language and it’s derivatives as well as a lack of investment in a gold standard dyslexia programs applied with 100% fidelity.
    5. Corruption = Pure Grain Alcohol (legal moonshine) Tequila
    6. Abuse = Pure Grain Alcohol (legal moonshine) Tequila
      1. Abuse & Corruption are the same in level of intimidation
    7. Truth = Dom Perignon Champagne, in a fluted glass served with fresh fruit Water
    8. Science of Reading = Coffee, with or without alcohol, your choice Water
    9. Compassion = A fine French wine of your choice with charcuterie Water
    10. Integrity = Tea of your choice in a glass or mug, depending on if desired hot or cold, and cookies Water
    11. Belief in best interest of child = Large glass of ice cold bottled water and if needed a healthy chunk of bread to help absorb the alcohol
  5. If more than one scenario is named, more than one shot is required.  The definition of the scenarios are below.
    1. If more scenarios are needed, please comment and we will add to the list.  Keep in mind the game isn’t hard and fast and more rules may be necessary.
  6. If meeting in person (unlikely) masks are required.
  7. If meeting over Zoom, an affidavit is required to prove the drink is actually what it is supposed to be, and not altered to lessen the effect.
  8. By entering the IEP meeting, all participants are bound to the rules, so there is an honor code (I know, LOL) that all will abide by these rules and drink when told, and throw a drink in their face when told.
  9. Participants may not mute themselves at any time to allow for full transparency.

WARNING: Before we start this game, let’s be clear, this version will definitely lead to alcohol poisoning so I recommend not placing oneself in a position where an ambulance will need to be called.

Now, when do you drink?

Different sets of scenarios apply.  I don’t mean to make this complicated, but it is complicated.  It is what it is. Get used to it.

The below is based on any action from a school or district representative at the table.

Infraction Based Shots (many remain from the non-COVID game, but some are new and those are highlighted in a blue):

  1. Every power play. (Corruption)
  2. Every eye roll. (Abuse)
  3. Every shake of the head. (Abuse)
  4. Every condescending remark. (Bullshit)
  5. Every attempt at parent shaming, either for lack of education degree or any other tactic. (Bullshit)
  6. Every denial of FAPE. (Lie and Corruption)
  7. Every  denial of Child Find. (Lie and Corruption)
  8. Every deviation off the subject. (Misdirection)
  9. Every reference to you in a 3rd person manner which demeans your presence in the room Zoom. (Abuse)
  10. Every time you are expected to show trust. (Misdirection and Bullshit)
  11. Every time they tell you 30 minutes a day of a program is a gold standard program and is to fidelity. (Dysteachia)
  12. Every time they claim they cannot provide new dyslexia intervention because it violates copyright. (Bullshit)
  13. Every breach of accommodations. (Abuse)
  14. Every time a Prior Written Notice (PWN) is suddenly handed (emailed) to the parent denying dyslexia services during e-Learning. (Bullshit and Abuse)
  15. Every time accommodations are removed due to e-Learning without consideration for the child’s actual needs. (Abuse)
  16. Temporary termination of an IEP due to COVID since the school cannot abide by their legal obligations due to the e-Learning environment. (Abuse)
  17. Every time a voice is raised. (Abuse)
  18. Every time someone uses their physical presence to intimidate. (Abuse)
  19. Every time someone slams their fists on the table or throws their arms in the air. (Abuse)
  20. Every time someone produces a report meant to support a preconceived agenda item that is not in the best interest of the child, but represents an educational “Easy Button” to let the school off the hook. (Corruption and Abuse)
  21. Refusal to discuss scenarios where by the student could receive the necessary interventions that are needed. (Abuse)
  22. Refusal to discuss grade level achievement. (Dysteachia, Misdirection, and Abuse)
  23. Refusal to discuss closing the gap between child and grade level peers (based on where they should all be, not where they are).  (Misdirection and Abuse)
  24. Discussing the administration of a standardized assessment (not an assessment related to dyslexia), instead of actual application of remediation to enable student success. (Dysteachia and Abuse)
  25. Any and all attempts to convey that the only way the child may receive services is through returning the child to the school environment, regardless of family circumstances, and concerns by the parent, and the parents desire to seek a compromise. (Abuse)
  26. No attempt at altering the e-Learning environment to suit the child’s needs and accommodations. (Abuse)
  27. No attempt to discuss a hybrid model for remediation purposes. (Abuse)

For the parent and / or advocate:

  1. For any action taken by the parent and / or advocate that results in any of the above, the parent has a choice of whether or not to drink to ease their pain, or make the offending party take their shot on their behalf, in other words, the offending party may end of taking two shots for each action.
  2. At any point where the parent and / or advocate is feeling the need for either some liquid courage, to bolster their spirits, to dull their pain levels, or whatever, the parent and / or advocate may choose to take a shot of the liquor of their choice.
  3. At any point where the parent and / or advocate is feeling offended by any of the above, they have the right to throw the contents of their shot in the face of the offending person instead of drinking it.
    1. Towels will not be offered to assist the person on whom the drink lands.

Note: Regarding the parent and / or advocate rules, it is possible to leave the IEP meeting without having had a drink.  If this is the case, the drinking game rules change allowing for freedom from the rules.  One may engage in any form of drinking of any libation of your choice, as you deem necessary, at your nearest restaurant, bar or in the privacy of your own home.

Win-Win:

If the following is done, clink glasses and toast the beautiful child you all truly want the best for and intend to deliver FAPE to the level of Endrew F. without fail.

  1. Every time your question is answered accurately without hiding behind veiled political references meant to protect misguided individuals mired in a shroud of untruths. (Truth)
  2. Every time the district invests in a gold standard dyslexia program. (Science of Reading)
  3. Every time the district offers more dyslexia-centric teacher training. (Science of Reading)
  4. Every time the district removes all Whole Language derivatives, including Balanced Literacy, Fountas & Pinnell Leveled Literacy Intervention, Lucy Calkins Teacher College, etc., in favor of Structured Literacy programs. (Science of Reading)
  5. Every time the district develops and delivers on goals that are a stretch for the whole team, but which best serve the child’s abilities with a determination to help the child overcome their obstacles.  (Truth, Compassion, Integrity and Best Interest of Child)
  6. Every time the district recognizes that the acquired program is not delivering sufficient results in a sufficient time period and switches to another gold standard program.  (Truth, Compassion, Integrity and Best Interest of Child)
  7. Every time the district focuses on the actual needs of the child, seeking to understand more, instead of making baseless assumptions based on anything resembling an Easy Button, misdirection, lack of knowledge, lack of evidence, a pile of assumptions or any other load of trollop.  (Truth, Compassion, Integrity and Best Interest of Child)

Caveats:

  1. The longer the meeting, the greater the infractions, the greater the chance of alcohol poisoning.  We recommend being mindful of the risk.  Understanding the rules and your part in the game will help to alleviate the risks of too much alcohol consumption.
  2. Shots are not measured for body size or time of day.  A shot is a shot.
  3. For the Win-Win any amount of food as may be desired may be consumed with the drinks.
  4. For the Win-Win the probability for a happy parent and / or advocate and a fortunate child is exceptionally high.
  5. For the Win-Win the probability the child will not be on welfare, go to prison, and actually becomes literate, rises exponentially with each passing year the Win-Win is adhered to.
  6. For the Win-Win, full collaboration with the parents resulting in positive exchanges, a reduction of stress, and a healthier and more supportive environment for all is guaranteed.

Cheers!

Clinking glasses with alcohol and toasting party

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