Exhausted & Confused

We’re all living in Bizarro world.  I think we all agree on that.

Some are in the camp that what’s happening isn’t real, is a political ploy, and that everyone is over reacting.

The other camp is that the pandemic is real and being under played, agree it’s a political ploy but by leaders to kill as many as possible whether intentional or not, and that people aren’t reacting strong enough.

Frankly I don’t care about either camp.  I care what is really real, like actual truth.  I also care about the fact that I have parents that are of a certain age, and I have a child who is scared to get sick.

The interesting thing about the latter is that we aren’t the ones who made him afraid.  Seeing the world as he knew it change before his eyes scared him.

Like all children he cannot play with his friends.  He’s trapped in the house like he was three years ago when he had pneumonia over the summer (let me tell you how much fun that was, NOT!).  His parents are working all day long, mom in the home office, dad in the guest room, and he knows he’s supposed to leave us alone.  We don’t go out unless it is to run an errand like the grocery store, buy dog food or mom’s car is up for state inspection time and that turns into it’s own drama (my poor 7 year old car!).  He’s not gone away to camp, which he loves, because we decided it wasn’t worth the risk.  He’s on his iPad all day long (yes, my pediatrician knows) playing games, watching Anime and YouTube and chatting with friends.

The tween that he is isn’t interested in too much.  He’s a gamer.  End of story.

I feel guilty about how busy I am.  I have angst over the conversations (work and volunteer) that he overhears.

I’ve never been a super creative mom, so I’m not even going to try to explain the utter lack of ideas in my head.  Y’all get it.

With few options, this is our reality.

Just.Like.Everyone.Else.In.The.World.

On the flip side, I’m a planner.  While the best laid plans always go straight to hell, I can’t help but plan.  I am not comfortable with fly by the seat of the pants anything.  I’m also a home body so some part of me does relish this reality, but I wish there were options for things to go and do.

The planner in me has to have a lot of oooooohhhhhh-sssssssssaaaaaahhhhhhhhh moments to try to cope with our current reality.

Are kids returning to school?

Yes.

Maybe.

No.

Yes, well sort of.

Nope, not for a while.

Yes!  They must!

Groan!

Are hubby and I returning to our offices and if so, when?

Unknown.

What I do know is the e-Learning environment almost killed me.  It wasn’t necessarily trying to balance my work load with his school work, and while yes, that was indeed part of it, it wasn’t the angst.  The angst came from the sledgehammer to the head reality that what’s being taught is garbage.

Now I get why my district has NEVER given me the curriculums or lesson plans or even road maps.  They truly did not want me to know.  Then they had no choice but to let parents just a tiny glimpse behind Oz’s great curtain and show us the reality of how they “do” education, and it revealed an unmitigated disaster.

I knew reading wasn’t being taught, but I learned writing wasn’t either.  No one would answer a single question for me on what math concepts were taught over the year, I was just told to make him do his DreamBox (crap program by the way), and he would be fine.  (Insert growl here.)  The science was cute but irrelevant, as were the social studies assignments.

Now we are a month away from something, but no one knows what.  Parents have been told they can choose, but what that looks like for dyslexia, whether 504 or IEP, is undefined at best.

I feel like I have to find faith in the balance of all things in what essentially feels like the tossing of a quarter.

Heads!

No, wait, tails!

To e-Learn or to return?

No middle ground.  That’s too much and too hard (truly for everyone even though it would be a better choice).

But they proved they can’t do it.  What real gains has three months of summer offered?  My gut says nothing.

So, what exactly are we supposed to do?  I mean really?  I’m genuinely asking.

My wish is to withdraw him and home school until I can right the educational ship for him and re-enroll him later, but my husband thinks that’s more than a bit insane and I that need to rethink it.

What I do know is I have a lot of research to do and very little time to do it in and I’m a bit unsure how I’m supposed to fit that in on top of everything else.

And let me throw in, I’m good at thinking on my feet.  I’m adaptable and calculating.  Currently there are just too many variables to know how to solve the math that is this problem.

How I wish, now more than ever, that education was really about education, and not some political game to be played by people who have agendas that have nothing to do with our children and our future.

The stress of this is what every parent is feeling.  Collectively we are lost, confused and don’t know which way to turn.  How will the demands on our lives as adults and employees shape our decisions, despite what we know in our hearts and souls our families and children need?  How will we factor in our children’s mental health into our decisions because that’s a monumental thing as well?

Only time will tell, and good chance we will all stress immensely until then.

Yet, in the mean time we’re supposed to find balance, lean in, breathe, play, work, figure it out and sleep peacefully at night.

Well, I don’t know about you, but sleep has eluded me for four months.